Don't Cry Over Me, Master
by lunarchroniclesandcockatiels
Summary: There are some things you just can't do. Like, not mourn your padawan for example.


He knew this day was coming.

How could he have ever forgotten, with Ahsoka growing a little weaker each day?

Today she lay on her bed, propped up by pillows, without the strength to move. "Master?" she asked, her voice barely a whisper. "Can I have some water?"

Anakin agreed to fetch it for his sick padawan. Chances are, he probably wouldn't have refused to convince Obi-Wan to shave off his beard if it made Ahsoka happy. Ever since she had gotten sick, well, both he and Obi-Wan would do anything to please her.

"Master," Ahsoka asked, as Anakin poured the water, drop by drop, into her dry mouth, a function she could no longer do for herself. "Do you think I'm going to die?"

"What? No, of course not!" Anakin lied. "Besides, the healer thinks you're improving."

Ahsoka sighed. "I just want you to be prepared for when it happens. "

Anakin didn't look at her when he went to refill the cup.

* * *

When he had watched his young apprentice trip over air, and fall into a heap, he had known something was wrong. And when he had lifted her up, and taken to the Jedi Healer, his worst suspicions were confirmed.

Ahsoka had caught a rare twi'lek disease shortly after she had almost left the Order. In twi'leks, it possessed no more threat than the common cold. But in the rare case when a togruta caught it, it was deadly.

The healer had said that Ahsoka had about six months to live if she was lucky. If not, than three.

Today was the last day of the sixth month. Ahsoka was destined to die by nightfall.

* * *

Anakin spent the night by Ahsoka's bed, checking on her every five minutes to make sure that she was doing alright. That she was still alive. Ahsoka gradually grew annoyed by his efforts, and tried to tell him that the inevitable would happen in its own time, but Anakin didn't listen.

But in the morning, Ahsoka was lying on her bed, looking peacefully asleep. Nothing more.

It was then that Anakin allowed himself to really hope, just a speckle of light in a sky of darkness.

* * *

When it did happen, it happened at the worst possible time.

Not that there ever is a "good time" for someone to die.

Anakin had made Obi-Wan wait in the room with the healer while he went to the 'fresher. But when he got back, there was a white blanket covering his padawan, and Obi-Wan sat in a chair, tears leaking from his blue eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Anakin." he said.

And then...Anakin went numb. He wasn't sad, wasn't happy, wasn't angry...wasn't anything really. He didn't sleep, didn't eat, didn't do anything besides stare at the bed where Ahsoka used to be in. Until one day, from lack of water or lack of food, he didn't know, Anakin fainted.

The healer immediately moved him to a bed, and forced him to eat and drink. That was when the pain started. When Anakin grew sad.

And Anakin cried like a baby, for force knows how long. He only stopped when the tears ran out. Then Obi-Wan told him onre of the worst things yet: he had missed his apprentice's funeral.

The closest thing he had to a daughter, he had missed her funeral. He had missed watching as the council burned her body, talked about becoming part of the force, then lowered wherever was left into the ground.

The master was supposed to be there. It was one of the most important ceremonies, second to only knighting, but he had missed it. Obi-Wan said he had gone in Anakin's place, though. Had stood by the body for him, just like the master should. Just like the perfect little Jedi that Obi-Wan was. That Anakin wasn't.

He had had no final conversations with Ahsoka, no times where he had told her that he would do anything to take Ahsoka's place. Fine, then.

He hadn't made it to his padawan's funeral. Fine, then. Not like she would ever know.

Had Obi-Wan done those things with Qui-Gon? Yes. Had obeyed Qui-Gon's last wish? Yes.

But Anakin didn't. Because he couldn't. Because, Obi-Wan had informed Anakin that when he was in the 'fresher, when Ahsoka was dying, she had told the older Jedi that her last wish was for her beloved Master not to mourn for her. To be grateful for her life and move on.

And Anakin certainly couldn't do that.

Could he?

 **A/N: Feel free to review!**


End file.
